Remember the days when you were 25, worked part-time at a job that required a great deal of physical exertion, spent an hour every day at the gym working out followed by a 30 minute sauna, went on a 2 mile power-walk every morning and evening, and walked to work, the co-op, the bar?
Remember looking in the mirror and seeing the same young face you were born with, before feeding two babies left your breasts sagging, stretch-marked and lop-sided and your lower abdomen stretched out like a piece of hide pulled from the head of a large drum?
Remember being able to tie a scarf around your chest and call it a shirt? Having size 30 pants fall off your hips and require a belt? Being able to wear a tank top without the support of a bra?
I remember it all too well and struggle with the reality of my transformed life every day. Although I can't stand how aging looks, I am willing to trade off a little of my appearance for the wisdom and centering that comes with "advanced" years. The problem is finding the time to always eat fresh foods and get the proper exercise.
I wish I could end this post with the perfect recipe for whole-body fitness that could accommodate the fluctuating schedule of a working mother, but I suppose if I had that figured out I would patent it, sell it, and spend the rest of my days doing whatever I please.
So consider this a cry for help.
Is it possible to fit in a 60-minute workout at least five times a week without neglecting your children?
What about unprocessed, wholesome lunches for work? Ideas????
Anyone?
Anyone?
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Progress
It may be slow, but it most definitely is happening. I have wanted to write something prolific for weeks, but life has gotten in the way of that. The kids have been sick (I spent 3 hours in urgent care with Liam this afternoon), work continues to become more intense in all the wrong ways, and we are spending more family time together without electronics.
So instead of trying to compose a Nobel Prize-winning essay, I've decided to revisit my 2011 goals.
Domain 1--The Home: I set out to accomplish some organizational projects, however my goals for the home have evolved. I still intend to deal with "organization," but by way of purging the house of non-essentials. This includes giving away much of our baby stuff to a co-worker, selling all extraneous furniture that no longer fits in our home and has taken up residence in the garage, consigning the kids' outgrown clothes and my maternity clothes, and taking everything I can't sell to Goodwill. In addition to the downsizing campaign, we are planning to build our garden in both the front and back yards.
Domain 2--Family: I have made time for Zoe and I to do things together as mother and daughter. We have played board games, made valentines, and resumed our evening ritual of cuddling under a blanket together while watching The Simpsons before her bedtime. We used to do it nightly until about a year ago when I became too pregnant to cuddle with her on the couch. I've been reading copious books on positive and gentle discipline. I completed The Continuum Concept and am half-way through Unconditional Parenting. I have Positive Discipline A-Z and am working my way through that as needed. I recently began Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and have Playful Parenting waiting for me on the bookshelf.
Domain 3--Wellness: This is an area that I am still very committed to despite a small detour. Work is keeping me so busy that I often gave up workout time to stay late at work. My eating was not as great for a bit either, but I'm happy to say that I have found my way back to the path of wholesome, homemade, unprocessed foods. I have 16 lbs to go until I reach my weight loss goal, although that is secondary to eating a diet untainted by chemicals and GMOs.
Domain 4--Career: I am definitely re-committed to best practice in education, however my recent studies have led me in an entirely different direction than expected. For the first time in many years, I am considering homeschooling my children for at least part of their "school-age" years. Honestly, I cringe at the term "homeschool" and much prefer natural learning or community learning. I have no desire to shelter my children from reality, in fact, I'd prefer them to be more entrenched in real-life (which the typical schooling experience is not). Of course this means discovering a way to live without earning a salary, so I have been researching that possibility voraciously.
Domain 4--Recreation: Well, my goal of weekly blogging is obviously not going well. The other goals have taken priority and I am completely okay with that.
So instead of trying to compose a Nobel Prize-winning essay, I've decided to revisit my 2011 goals.
Domain 1--The Home: I set out to accomplish some organizational projects, however my goals for the home have evolved. I still intend to deal with "organization," but by way of purging the house of non-essentials. This includes giving away much of our baby stuff to a co-worker, selling all extraneous furniture that no longer fits in our home and has taken up residence in the garage, consigning the kids' outgrown clothes and my maternity clothes, and taking everything I can't sell to Goodwill. In addition to the downsizing campaign, we are planning to build our garden in both the front and back yards.
Domain 2--Family: I have made time for Zoe and I to do things together as mother and daughter. We have played board games, made valentines, and resumed our evening ritual of cuddling under a blanket together while watching The Simpsons before her bedtime. We used to do it nightly until about a year ago when I became too pregnant to cuddle with her on the couch. I've been reading copious books on positive and gentle discipline. I completed The Continuum Concept and am half-way through Unconditional Parenting. I have Positive Discipline A-Z and am working my way through that as needed. I recently began Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves and have Playful Parenting waiting for me on the bookshelf.
Domain 3--Wellness: This is an area that I am still very committed to despite a small detour. Work is keeping me so busy that I often gave up workout time to stay late at work. My eating was not as great for a bit either, but I'm happy to say that I have found my way back to the path of wholesome, homemade, unprocessed foods. I have 16 lbs to go until I reach my weight loss goal, although that is secondary to eating a diet untainted by chemicals and GMOs.
Domain 4--Career: I am definitely re-committed to best practice in education, however my recent studies have led me in an entirely different direction than expected. For the first time in many years, I am considering homeschooling my children for at least part of their "school-age" years. Honestly, I cringe at the term "homeschool" and much prefer natural learning or community learning. I have no desire to shelter my children from reality, in fact, I'd prefer them to be more entrenched in real-life (which the typical schooling experience is not). Of course this means discovering a way to live without earning a salary, so I have been researching that possibility voraciously.
Domain 4--Recreation: Well, my goal of weekly blogging is obviously not going well. The other goals have taken priority and I am completely okay with that.
Monday, January 17, 2011
What is discipline?
Now that my darling little girl has reached preschool age, her personality is developing at a furious rate along with behavior habits. About a year ago it occurred to me that we needed to begin some form of behavior guidance and character education with Zoe. I want her to be well mannered and, above all, to reject brat-dom. Despite being a professional educator, I was really at a loss as to how to do it. Honestly, I still feel very inept.
As a practitioner of responsive/intuitive parenting, the "gentle discipline" aspect is the piece I just don't have a handle on at all. I know very little about what it means ideologically and even less about how to put it into practice. We are solidly an anti-spanking family, but we do sometimes yell and the terms "being good" and "being bad" are used regularly. We use threats of time out,. loss of privileges (TV, playdates, etc), and going to bed early without a story. These threats usually garner compliance, but they cause a huge tantrum and a lot of tears and shame on the part of our little girl. I began to wonder if the word "discipline" was automatically connected to guilt, shame, and power struggles or if inside the concept there lies the secret of a confident and respectful child.
According to Dictionary.com, there are three definitions for "discipline" as a verb:
As a practitioner of responsive/intuitive parenting, the "gentle discipline" aspect is the piece I just don't have a handle on at all. I know very little about what it means ideologically and even less about how to put it into practice. We are solidly an anti-spanking family, but we do sometimes yell and the terms "being good" and "being bad" are used regularly. We use threats of time out,. loss of privileges (TV, playdates, etc), and going to bed early without a story. These threats usually garner compliance, but they cause a huge tantrum and a lot of tears and shame on the part of our little girl. I began to wonder if the word "discipline" was automatically connected to guilt, shame, and power struggles or if inside the concept there lies the secret of a confident and respectful child.
According to Dictionary.com, there are three definitions for "discipline" as a verb:
to train by instruction and exercise; drill.
to bring to a state of order and obedience by training and control.
to punish or penalize in order to train and control; correct;chastise
I suppose the "gentler" definition is the first one. To train by instruction and exercise. In terms of developing socially appropriate manners, exercise and drill would be effective and gentle. Of course instruction should come first (explain to the child why we say "thank you" when someone does something nice for us). The exercise would eventually become a habit--instruction internalized.
The challenge comes in imparting our values to our children without indoctrination. In allowing the tantrums and tears over bedtime because it is developmentally appropriate for a 3 year old to melt down. In teaching when and why to apologize rather than demanding a begrudging "sorry."
Expect to read more on this subject as I seek out resources to better parent my own children and navigate the dicey world of character education.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Adventures in Baby-led Solids
My three-year-old daughter has issues with food and eating in general. We think it is related to power and control. Assuming that we were the cause of her issues, I sought out a different way to approach eating with our son. As I browsed around Eco Baby Gear a few months ago, I saw a book titled Baby-led Weaning. I bought it and read it over the next 3 or 4 weeks and decided to put the baby-led principles into practice with Li Li.
When our family doctor suggested giving Liam rice cereal at his 4-month well child visit, I was armed and ready. I whipped the book out of my diaper bag and proudly declared, "We are doing THIS."
He flipped through it and said, "That looks fine, but you can give him cereal now."
As Liam approached 6 months old, he began showing an interest in food and eating. Even though the book said not to introduce solids until he could sit up unassisted, I decided to give it a try given that he was 6 months old. I gave him some fingers of banana, cooked baby carrots, gluten and dairy free pancake, and cooked broccoli florets. He loved it all, but the fruit was too slippery and the broccoli fell apart in his hands. He seemed very happy when I would take some broccoli on my finger and put it into his mouth. He wanted to be fed.
Going against the baby-led solids advice, I did an experiment with spoon-feeding. I pureed some carrots and smashed up some pears. Liam eagerly ate them from a spoon. Sometimes he would grab the spoon at which point I allowed him to attempt self-feeding. I watched for his signals and he let me know when he wanted more and when he was finished. Even though I spoon-fed him, he led the way.
I still consider myself a practitioner of baby-led weaning/solids. We are still giving Liam finger foods. We look to him to let us know when he wants to be spoon-fed, when he wants another bite, when he wants to use the spoon, and when he is full. He is still breastfeeding on-demand when I am not at work. When he wakes at night, I nurse him back to sleep. He is in control of his own feeding.
When our family doctor suggested giving Liam rice cereal at his 4-month well child visit, I was armed and ready. I whipped the book out of my diaper bag and proudly declared, "We are doing THIS."
He flipped through it and said, "That looks fine, but you can give him cereal now."
As Liam approached 6 months old, he began showing an interest in food and eating. Even though the book said not to introduce solids until he could sit up unassisted, I decided to give it a try given that he was 6 months old. I gave him some fingers of banana, cooked baby carrots, gluten and dairy free pancake, and cooked broccoli florets. He loved it all, but the fruit was too slippery and the broccoli fell apart in his hands. He seemed very happy when I would take some broccoli on my finger and put it into his mouth. He wanted to be fed.
Going against the baby-led solids advice, I did an experiment with spoon-feeding. I pureed some carrots and smashed up some pears. Liam eagerly ate them from a spoon. Sometimes he would grab the spoon at which point I allowed him to attempt self-feeding. I watched for his signals and he let me know when he wanted more and when he was finished. Even though I spoon-fed him, he led the way.
I still consider myself a practitioner of baby-led weaning/solids. We are still giving Liam finger foods. We look to him to let us know when he wants to be spoon-fed, when he wants another bite, when he wants to use the spoon, and when he is full. He is still breastfeeding on-demand when I am not at work. When he wakes at night, I nurse him back to sleep. He is in control of his own feeding.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
2011....the year of the Happy Mama
I am definitely a person who makes plans, sets goals, and takes action. I am not always successful, but I like to think I do a better job with follow-through than the average New Year Resolution maker.
This year, I've set one goal in each domain of my life. They are all attainable, however some will be much easier than others.
Domain 1--The Home: Make consistent progress toward organizing the living room/dining room, full bathroom and kids' bedrooms. This means setting small goals each month and tasks to be done each weekend. This will be the most difficult of all the goals.
Domain 2--The Family: Cultivate a stronger, more positive relationship with my daughter. This involves my partner as well, since a positive relationship rests on both parents being on the same page with communication and discipline.
Domain 3--Wellness: Regain and maintain a weight of 120 lbs or less. By-products of this goal include paying close attention to how my body reacts to certain foods and supplements and running several 5Ks.
Domain 4--Career: Re-commit to truly responsive education and best practice in the face of increasing standardization and quantification of student learning. This may mean a second masters degree and a shift in how I contribute to the field if I become a casualty of Oregon's crappy budget.
Domain 5--Recreation: Continue to blog regularly--a minimum of one thoughtful post per week and make at least 1 article submission focusing on intuitive/natural parenting for the working mother.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010.....the year of the final BABY!
I only haphazardly blogged through 2010. The year saw many changes:
- pregnancy
- fear of Down's Syndrome in our unborn child
- the fearful decision to undergo amnio
- seeing our baby's little penis and knowing that we would have a son
- the joy and relief at discovering that our son had no genetic disorders
- the decision to embrace natural childbirth and leave my trusted OB at 30 weeks pregnant
- doing self-hypnosis via the Hypnobabies homestudy course (if you know what a skeptic I am, you will know what a huge leap of *gasp* faith that was!)
- carrying a large baby past 41 weeks without any desire for induction
- going into natural labor for the first and last time the same day the USA won a match at the World Cup
- giving birth without any medical interventions!!!!
- welcoming our beautiful son, William Christopher, into the world
- my husband losing his job
- my daughter potty-training without any threats or coercion at 3 years old
- my wonderful 5-month maternity leave with the greatest long-term sub on earth (thank you, Michelle!)
- my return to teaching and the homeroom from hell
- the realization that I may get pink-slipped
- the need for my husband to abandon his role as a stay-at-home dad and look for work
- my struggles and triumphs as a working mother and intuitive parenting practitioner/advocate
That's it in a nutshell. Stay tuned for my resolutions and plans for 2011.....
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