It has been quite the busy month and no real time to write anything of any consequence. This is not a journal, so I'll spare readers the boring details of what has kept me so busy. I'll just say work and winter illness has consumed most of my time (and still is).
One thing I'll spend some time on today is the introspective nature of these winter months. Luckily, I am in one of the only places in the United States that is not covered in snow, but it is cold, dark, and rainy so much of our time is spent inside. And instead of cleaning or organizing the home, I prefer to sit around the think about stuff. There has been much talk recently about "moving home." In fact, my oldest friend is doing it which really surprised me. Then a few other people have brought it up over the past month. The idea of being in a cooler place where you have no roots or connections outside of a job vs a shitty place where you have a good network of old friends and/or family. Of course, this becomes more of a concern once you have children.
Now I despise where I grew up. I hate the look of the place. I hate the oppressive feeling that permeates the over-crowded suburbs and freeways. I hate the filth and disparity of weath within the city. I hate the conservatism and the money and status-driven culture. Conformity truly is king there and all of the "hates" are what drove me out of the place for good 14 years ago. Despite all those things and the fact that I vowed never to raise my own children in such a culture, the isolation I have experienced during my 7 years in Portland actually got me to briefly re-evaluate my decision to be here when my "network" of old friends (many of whom have young children as well), my aging grandmother, and my parents live elsewhere.
Of course, after an entire day evaluating the job opportunities for both Chris and myself, reading various school report cards (mainly AYP data), and searching home listings, I came to the conclusion that my children would go to slightly "better" schools, we would lose approximately $10K in combined earning potential, and get less home for our money. So yeah......definitely not worth it. This confirmation was nice in that I was able to pat myself on the back for doing the right thing, however the fact remains that here in Portland, we have yet to develop a good network of people to rely on who also share a common lifestyle.
So I re-committed myself to trying to cultivate this network, since it is truly the only thing missing in our life here. I went (for the millionth time) to yahoo groups and meetup only to find that most groups are: religious, very niche-oriented (west-slope scrapbooking stay-at-home moms of multiples), or are closed to new members. I think I have about 5 groups "pending" acceptance. Three of those have been "pending" for nearly a year. I have actually joined 3 groups since having a child: 2 of them fizzled out and the other one just didn't feel right. No other regular working moms there. They were all artists who married doctors, attorneys, etc and were now uber-progressive stay-at-homes who all came to the park in the same $400 strollers, wore the same designer eco-friendly clothes, blah blah blah....you get the picture.
So here I am back at square one with the whole isolation thing. I'll make sure to update if there is a change. I did "apply" to join an atheist families group that I hope works out. This no religion thing is a big part of the isolation.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The SAHD
A few months ago, I read an article (can't remember where) about the increasing number of stay-at-home dads. The reason? The mass amounts of lay-offs due to the recession. Apparently, more men than women have found themselves unemployed and therefore, staying home with their young children.
Now that we are faced with having two children not yet school-aged, the idea of spending $2000/month September--June for two years, getting a toddler, a baby and two adults ready to go by 6: 45 am, and spending the evening in a scramble to wash bottles, prepare dinners, nurse a baby, and do laundry, clean bathrooms, etc sounds like my version of hell. Mind you, my paying job requires me to deal with large numbers of 12 and 13 year olds for 6 hours, so there is little patience or energy left to manage the juggling act required to keep the family running.
Before you ask yourself: What is the husband doing? Sitting on his ass drinking beers, farting, and playing video games? I will tell you the answer is: No! He is scrambling to prepare dinners for the crockpot, do the dishes, clean the cat boxes, pick up the dog shit from the yard, do the laundry, etc. Thing is, even with two of us flying around the house at break-neck speed, the place is still a wreck and we are left stressed and exhausted.
One possible, albeit financially precarious, solution to the problem is for one of us to stay home for two years until Zoe is in school and Nameless is 2. Traditionally, it is the mother who quits her job, but in our situation, that does not make sense. I am a public employee which means I carry our health insurance with very little out of pocket, I have PERS (public employee's retirement), and I build seniority on the union payscale, not to mention that I earn 34% more than my husband does. Last night, we realized that during the school year, all but $300 of my husband's monthly salary will go to to daycare. If he quit his job, it would be an annual loss of $10,000. I could earn back at least half of that by teaching summer school and SUN school classes, we would save approximately $1000 annually by not buying a transit pass for him to go to work, and we could switch to cloth diapers and wipes, saving an additional $500+ yearly. Of course, we would still need to cut some "luxuries" like eating out and buying fancy foods, but we would have more opportunity to expand our garden and grow and can/freeze more food.
We have decided to take a "wait and see" approach to making this decision. Exactly how much more hectic will it be with the new baby? Is it worth the risk of not being able to re-enter the work-force? Fortunately, a huge male ego is not a factor.
Now that we are faced with having two children not yet school-aged, the idea of spending $2000/month September--June for two years, getting a toddler, a baby and two adults ready to go by 6: 45 am, and spending the evening in a scramble to wash bottles, prepare dinners, nurse a baby, and do laundry, clean bathrooms, etc sounds like my version of hell. Mind you, my paying job requires me to deal with large numbers of 12 and 13 year olds for 6 hours, so there is little patience or energy left to manage the juggling act required to keep the family running.
Before you ask yourself: What is the husband doing? Sitting on his ass drinking beers, farting, and playing video games? I will tell you the answer is: No! He is scrambling to prepare dinners for the crockpot, do the dishes, clean the cat boxes, pick up the dog shit from the yard, do the laundry, etc. Thing is, even with two of us flying around the house at break-neck speed, the place is still a wreck and we are left stressed and exhausted.
One possible, albeit financially precarious, solution to the problem is for one of us to stay home for two years until Zoe is in school and Nameless is 2. Traditionally, it is the mother who quits her job, but in our situation, that does not make sense. I am a public employee which means I carry our health insurance with very little out of pocket, I have PERS (public employee's retirement), and I build seniority on the union payscale, not to mention that I earn 34% more than my husband does. Last night, we realized that during the school year, all but $300 of my husband's monthly salary will go to to daycare. If he quit his job, it would be an annual loss of $10,000. I could earn back at least half of that by teaching summer school and SUN school classes, we would save approximately $1000 annually by not buying a transit pass for him to go to work, and we could switch to cloth diapers and wipes, saving an additional $500+ yearly. Of course, we would still need to cut some "luxuries" like eating out and buying fancy foods, but we would have more opportunity to expand our garden and grow and can/freeze more food.
We have decided to take a "wait and see" approach to making this decision. Exactly how much more hectic will it be with the new baby? Is it worth the risk of not being able to re-enter the work-force? Fortunately, a huge male ego is not a factor.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Do I have a twin?
When I set up this blog last week I went searching for some others for my blogroll (aka daily reading) that would encompass more than just people I know talking about parenting and their daily lives (not that I don't enjoy those as well).
I came across this dude (i think it's a man) who is semi-local who writes about political issues and with whom I agree on just about everything. Anyhoo, he posted a pic of some street kids, I'm assuming from downtown PDX and the girl was the spitting image of me 15 years ago. I mean an identical twin. She looks nothing like I do today. I now bathe regularly, have short hair, wrinkles, and about 40 extra pounds. But seriously if you knew me in the mid-90s, you would agree that this could easily have been me.
Here she is, my twin....
http://thespanishprisoner.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/is-the-church-of-england-breeding-anarchists/
I came across this dude (i think it's a man) who is semi-local who writes about political issues and with whom I agree on just about everything. Anyhoo, he posted a pic of some street kids, I'm assuming from downtown PDX and the girl was the spitting image of me 15 years ago. I mean an identical twin. She looks nothing like I do today. I now bathe regularly, have short hair, wrinkles, and about 40 extra pounds. But seriously if you knew me in the mid-90s, you would agree that this could easily have been me.
Here she is, my twin....
http://thespanishprisoner.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/is-the-church-of-england-breeding-anarchists/
The Name Game
Assigning a name to another human being is a huge burden. I wish we could just be given numbers until a person is old enough to choose his/her own name. Not that I have ever taken issue with my own name. I never loved it, but it also never bothered me enough to want it changed. I do, however, hate having to name my own child. It was agonizing the first time and the second time is proving to be even worse.
So what goes into this arduous task? Well, given that we have a long and difficult to pronounce and spell last name, the first name has to be reasonably short and simple. Of course, it also cannot be overly common. For example, Olivia, our top pick this time around, just so happened to be the most popular name for baby girls in Oregon last year. I guess you could say Olivia and Emma are to our children's generation what Jennifer was to ours.
Once popularity and name length have been taken into consideration, one must look for potentially embarassing nicknames. For example, Astrid was a name I had picked out years before having children. I still love the name. Unfortunately, the name has awful possiblities in terms of teasing and it was even exploited on the tv show The Office. While Astrid is not 100% off the table, I'm not sure we can get past Dwight Shruit's banner welcoming "Baby Assturd."
Now that the bad nicknames have been eliminated, the parents must think toward the child's future. Will the name suit him/her in adulthood? Will he/her be taken seriously as a professional? Here not only does the cuteness factor come into play, but also unusual spellings. If the person hiring for the position cannot pronounce your name, will that make them less likely to call you for an interview? And when you already have a last name that no one in the English-speaking world will get right, the first name takes on even more importance.
And what about unisex names? That opens a whole new can of worms. Perhaps my new baby will be 17625 until she is ready to choose a name for herself.
So what goes into this arduous task? Well, given that we have a long and difficult to pronounce and spell last name, the first name has to be reasonably short and simple. Of course, it also cannot be overly common. For example, Olivia, our top pick this time around, just so happened to be the most popular name for baby girls in Oregon last year. I guess you could say Olivia and Emma are to our children's generation what Jennifer was to ours.
Once popularity and name length have been taken into consideration, one must look for potentially embarassing nicknames. For example, Astrid was a name I had picked out years before having children. I still love the name. Unfortunately, the name has awful possiblities in terms of teasing and it was even exploited on the tv show The Office. While Astrid is not 100% off the table, I'm not sure we can get past Dwight Shruit's banner welcoming "Baby Assturd."
Now that the bad nicknames have been eliminated, the parents must think toward the child's future. Will the name suit him/her in adulthood? Will he/her be taken seriously as a professional? Here not only does the cuteness factor come into play, but also unusual spellings. If the person hiring for the position cannot pronounce your name, will that make them less likely to call you for an interview? And when you already have a last name that no one in the English-speaking world will get right, the first name takes on even more importance.
And what about unisex names? That opens a whole new can of worms. Perhaps my new baby will be 17625 until she is ready to choose a name for herself.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The Mommy Wars Part 1: bottle vs boob
Ahhh....the old familiar face of self-righteous parenting rears its hiddeous head once more.
I discovered pregnancy and parenting forums three years ago when searching for solutions to teaching with severe "morning" sickness. I came across one, joined the birth board associated with the month I was due, and have participated in several online forums ever since.
Now that I am pregnant with baby #2, I am once again involved in a pregnancy forum for mothers due in June and the first "mommy war" broke out yesterday. This one was sparked by the seemingly innocuous question: Are you planning to breastfeed or bottle feed and why?
Hssssss........rrrrrr........*claws engaged*
It's not the "opinions" that bother me, it's how crazed people get over the choices of others. Of course, I have opinions regarding breastfeeding, but do not have the over-inflated sense of self-importance to consider telling other people that they are wrong because they have done things differently.
Yes, breast milk is superior nutritionally to formula, however it's not akin to giving your baby a bottle filled with Mountain Dew, which is how some of these crazed momzillas react to the notion of even supplementing one feeding a day with formula.
News flash----YOUR MILK SUPPLY WILL NOT DRY UP IF YOU SUPPLEMENT 1-2 X A DAY AFTER A REGULAR NURSING ROUTINE AND MILK SUPPLY IS ESTABLISHED!!!!!!
I discovered pregnancy and parenting forums three years ago when searching for solutions to teaching with severe "morning" sickness. I came across one, joined the birth board associated with the month I was due, and have participated in several online forums ever since.
Now that I am pregnant with baby #2, I am once again involved in a pregnancy forum for mothers due in June and the first "mommy war" broke out yesterday. This one was sparked by the seemingly innocuous question: Are you planning to breastfeed or bottle feed and why?
Hssssss........rrrrrr........*claws engaged*
It's not the "opinions" that bother me, it's how crazed people get over the choices of others. Of course, I have opinions regarding breastfeeding, but do not have the over-inflated sense of self-importance to consider telling other people that they are wrong because they have done things differently.
Yes, breast milk is superior nutritionally to formula, however it's not akin to giving your baby a bottle filled with Mountain Dew, which is how some of these crazed momzillas react to the notion of even supplementing one feeding a day with formula.
News flash----YOUR MILK SUPPLY WILL NOT DRY UP IF YOU SUPPLEMENT 1-2 X A DAY AFTER A REGULAR NURSING ROUTINE AND MILK SUPPLY IS ESTABLISHED!!!!!!
In the beginning.....
There was a girl. She had hopes. She had dreams. She had a bottle of Cisco in the alley behind an all-ages club......
20 Years Later
There was a woman. She had a master's degree. She had a job. She had a husband, two cats and a Greyhound. She had an oversized mortgage on an undersized home in East Portland and a fiesty 3 year old daughter and a colicky infant son.....
Things do not always turn out the way we expect them to and, often, we end up okay in spite of making less-than perfect choices. My intention in creating this blog is to offer my thoughts on whatever happens to be rambling around inside my head on a given day. You will not read posts that reflect a common ideology....in fact, you may just find my schizo lack of theoretical cohesiveness to be annoying. So be it.
20 Years Later
There was a woman. She had a master's degree. She had a job. She had a husband, two cats and a Greyhound. She had an oversized mortgage on an undersized home in East Portland and a fiesty 3 year old daughter and a colicky infant son.....
Things do not always turn out the way we expect them to and, often, we end up okay in spite of making less-than perfect choices. My intention in creating this blog is to offer my thoughts on whatever happens to be rambling around inside my head on a given day. You will not read posts that reflect a common ideology....in fact, you may just find my schizo lack of theoretical cohesiveness to be annoying. So be it.
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